Emma Jarrett

Goodbye, Mom

                In the middle of the night on April 30^th, last year I was woken up by the doorbell ringing repetitively. My heart stopped. Immediately I knew something was wrong because no one comes to my front door, especially at night. I laid in bed anxiously wondering what exactly was going on. Thoughts flew through my mind like rockets and my heart pounded as if it was going to burst out of my chest. I heard every creak in the staircase as my dad walked downstairs to answer the door. I could only hear the exchange of two muffled voices. After I heard him twist the lock of the door, the house was silent.

                After a few minutes I quietly walked downstairs to figure out what was going on. It was pitch black in the living room, but I saw my dad sitting on the couch. I could sense that something wasn’t right. He stood up when he saw me.

“Emma, your mother passed away,” my dad said as his voice started to break.

Hearing those words fall from my father’s mouth felt like someone punched me in the lungs. I couldn’t breathe, I broke into a sweat, and I began to feel hot tears sliding down my cheeks. I held onto my dad trembling and just cried. We cried together for what felt like a lifetime. Then it hit me. I’m never going to have the relationship I always wanted with my mother. She’s not going to be there to comfort me through the hard times. I’m never going to hear her soothing voice telling me that I’m smarter than I seem and stronger than I believe. From this point on, I’m never going to have a mother again. My heart was broken and I didn’t know how to piece it back together.

I went back up to my room and cried. I cried for hours. My pillows were soaked with tears and the taste of salt lingered in my mouth. The searing air in my room was pressuring down on me. I could feel my heartbeat pound in my chest and my excruciating headache made everything worse. It was hard for me to fall asleep with so much on my mind. Knowing that I’d never see her again pained me. I could only perceive the spinning of the ceiling fan as I eventually dozed off.

The next morning I woke up to feel as if the whole world was still and silent. So many relatives and friends came in and out of the house with meals and bouquets of flowers. It made me realize how much support I have and how grateful I am for the people I do have in my life. I was laying in my bed and I felt the vibration of my phone ringing. It was Linda, a good family friend that lives in Georgia. I quickly picked it up.

“I’m on the next flight to Roanoke, I’ll be there tonight,” she said. Tears of joy rolled off of my cheeks. I was so thankful to have someone that I love and trust to come out of their way to comfort me in a time like this. I wasted my time away until the moment she was here. Late that night my sister and I drove to the airport to pick her up. We waited together in silence in the parked car. Not even knowing what to say. When I saw Linda walking out of the airport doors, I jumped out of the car and ran to her. I hugged her so tight because I couldn’t believe that she was in Roanoke.

Rubbing my back she said calmly “Everything is going to be okay, I promise,” The night was quiet in the airport parking lot. The stars gleamed meaningfully and the soft spring breeze made everything feel almost alright.  It was as if nothing had happened at all and life was just as the way it was supposed to be.

 I broke down every time I heard the words “I’m so sorry”, it made everything that I hoped wasn’t true a reality. But after all this time, I do believe that what I’ve experienced has made me stronger, and it’s comforting to know that wherever I go, I have a guardian angel to watch out for me and to keep me safe.